I got this non-pc satire from the blog International Liberty. In these SOPA days sure I can feel nervous about knocking down an entire post, but it is awesome enough to deserve the reposting and even more worth of being added some new material.===========================
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”
Colombia on the contrary, has lowered its alert level from “revolted, give’em hell” to “gullible, let’s hear them”, still away from the lowest level “naïve, let’s make a new constitution”.
Venezuela, maintains its only level since 1999 “paranoia, pretend those Yankees are after you to retain full power.”
North Korea is making its transition from “worker’s paradise” to “surreal” to “completely loony tunes”, which will be called later “normal”.
China is upgrading from “frenemy” to “only major player”, only if they can avoid the “implosion” status because of abusing the “everything’s fine” grade, without revealing its hidden housing bubble and railroad fiasco and infrastructure systems failures.
Argentina, after taking over the pensions system, upgraded from “perceived catastrophe” to “nothing to see here, pal”. The lowest level “real catastrophe, every man for himself” is somewhat consistent with its highest threat level “head in the sand.”
Russia has four levels: “I can get no respect”, “demand respect”, its current “extract respect” and “war”.
Alert level of this blog? Red, of course.
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I hate these days. People are telling you to STFU. Just say it, no matter how stupid or offensive it is.