Showing posts with label Ashton Kutcher. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ashton Kutcher. Show all posts

Monday, May 23, 2011

A-Holes of 2011 - First Semester Edition!

Well, we have undoubtedly a plump, juicy year full of certified, blue-ribbon A-Holes! So let's start with the festivities and an early countdown for the semester:

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Arnoldo Suáreznegrete screwed it up the big time; he sired an illegitimate child and didn't fess it up immediatly to his wife, Maria Shriver. In the meanwhile, he continued his movie career and became governor of California. His tenure betrayed the same lack of integrity, leaving the Golden State in worse shape than he received it. His projects to revitalise his career went belly up with the uproar the scandal generated. Now a "Terminator 5" is put on hold, and a comic book super heroe with a "Family Values Man" background, that saves the planet in the guise of "The Governator" is completely abandoned. Way to go, Ahnold!

Lars Von Trier: a beloved artsy filmmaker in the exclusive Cannes clique, decides to promote his new flick "Melancholia" by declaring his admiration for Hitler and then gets expelled from the Festival by being declared persona non grata. I'm sure Von Trier must think at least something turned ok for him: he must be earning a nice entry on Metapedia!

Charlie Sheen: his transition from highest paid tv-actor to Trivia Pursuit material is running as smooth as expected. His "Violent Torpedo of Truth" One-Man-Show tour is in full decline and Chuck Lorre Productions hired a replacement for the Two and a Half Men Sitcom: Ashton Kutcher. Disgust disguised as good-luck wishes betrays the fact that the most viewed episode of the series will be the first featuring Ashton, even if the sitcom gets cancelled in the same season. #Winning Trifecta!

Dominique Strauss-Kahn: the epitome of the french nouveau ancien regime. A former communist turned socialist that likes to spend the night in US$ 3.000 a night hotel rooms. As head of the IMF, is the key holder of the world casino - normal rules do not apply to him. So the Great Seducer (no kidding, he was known that way) allegedly attempted to rape an african maid and then flee to France for cover, a la Roman Polanski. He must be facing the worst destiny he ever feared: a fair trial.

Masataka Shimizu: less known but not less deserving of this scorn-a-thon. The president of Tepco made through negligence and immoral cheapness the Fukushima Disaster possible. I do not recommend seppuku, but jail time could be an option for his evil deeds and not facing the music.



Newt Gringrich: the textbook case on how not to run for president of the United States. Chapter 1: Why attacking fellow GOPers alienates followers. Chapter 3: Why having a half-a-million dollars jewelry store unpaid bill is a nightmarish decision. Chapter 7: Why reversing oneself on early declarations qualifies you as the John Kerry of the right.

Michael Moore: I thought of him writing a book called "How to be a Socialist with Other People's Money while keeping an eye on yours", but the title is too long to be deemed "commercial". I'll repeat it: He's a stupid white man. Can't wait so see him teaming up with Olbermann. Greatest comedy couple ever!

Keith Olbermann/Al Gore: to complete the losers all-stars team at Current TV, Al Gore hired and offered ownership of a worthless tv network to someone fired from a failed cable news outlet with a extremely bad rep with his co-workers. This is the guy that wants to save us from global warming an this is the way he does business.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Told ya, you were running out of luck!


Charlie Sheen was awarded an a-hole of the year prize last year by Dr. sipmac. He was in a very delicate position then, to put it mildly. Now, he went to rehab, shutting down the "Two and a Half Men" effectively. The careless, happy-go-lucky, drunken whoremonger bachelor attitude works only in fiction, it seems. At this moment, nobody knows what is going to happen to the sitcom (and Mr. Sheen, for that case). Anyway, Dr. sipmac wishes both of them luck (and the entire cast, why not).

BTW, it is a policy of sipmacrants! to follow up the published newsitems.

Dr. sipmac is a TAAHM fan but does not support irresponsible behavior.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Monday, December 28, 2009

A-Holes of the Year

In no particular order of appeareance, Dr. sipmac will post a well-deserved scorn-a-thon of a few of the undisputed a-holes of this year. Without further ado:

Charlie Sheen: Anybody with a brain knows that this guy is playing himself in the critically-acclaimed, top-ten rated sitcom Two and a Half Men. The question is: When Charlie Harper will beat the hell out of Chels? Jeez, this is the guy that had every opportunity in his life to make ammends for every wrong decision made. Alcoholism, gambling, whoremongering were enough to sabotage his film career. Do you think "Hot Shots" was another step forward? Nope. Funny as it might be, he was already scrapping the bottom of the barrel. Then he replaces Marty McFly in Spin City and landed a little later into one of the most-watched sitcoms of the decade. Hey bad boy, do you think that kind of luck is never going to run out? Wanna risk it by beating your wife, you moron? Maybe you should ask--

Roman Polanski: Yeah, that dude. Oh, I managed to escape from the nazis and then Charlie Manson and his merry family, so I can do whatever I want and still play the victim, that includes raping a drunken 13 year old girl. Besides, I have a lot of powerful and beautiful friends to back me up whenever I want. Oops! Being caught and have to face extradition charges in Switzerland? No problemo, my friend. I can post bail and fight it in my cozy chateau! Now I can finish my movie at home! I told you, I can do whatever I want, not like that--

Phil Jones: The poster boy for scientific method and objectivity for this dying 2009. Between his lifetime accomplishments we can admire his destruction of "climate change" raw data, the redefinition of the peer review process, the persecution of dissenters and the burning of a good 20 million dollars in grants given to him and his pals, just to "hide the decline". A true deserving canditate of the ig-nobel prize! Speaking of the devil--

Al Gore: Making millions with the green scare is not enough, huh? You have to twist facts of your Academy Award prized docummentary, and then keep on having a straight face when Climategate hits you cold in the face and you have to cancel your highly expected appearance in Copenhagen. In the meanwhile, your book is still for sale, your monthly carbon footprint at home is STILL bigger than the average US home in a year, and you are getting fat. But you won the Nobel Prize! You have to be a schmuck like--


Sandra Bernhard/David Letterman: You have to have a special sense of comedy to wish a fellow woman to be raped when she enters Manhattan! You must be an upstanding comedian when you wish that woman's daughter to be "knocked up" by a baseball player! Just like you did with your female subordinates! Who said a politician's family is "off limits"? Sandra, who's morally reprehensible now? "Not me", says--

Tiger "Cheetah" Woods: A name has never been so revealing. In a few words, Mr. Woods carefully crafted a wholesome image for years. That made him make gazillions of dollars. From the very start, a few people knew he was a women-chaser. So was Babe Ruth. But he never try to hide who he was (and at least the press helped him). But Tiger... hey, it wasn't just golf, you were the spokesperson for Gillette, and they gave you a pile of money for that. You were asking for trouble, man. "¡You racist!", calls Dr. sipmac--



Barack Obama: Well in that case, I let one of your early supporters, Mr. David Michael Green, say it all in this link. A little taste of it:
Like any good progressive, I've gone from admiration to hope to disappointment to anger when it comes to this president. Now I'm fast getting to rage.

How much rage? I find myself thinking that the thing I want most from the 2010 elections is for his party to get absolutely clobbered, even if that means a repeat of 1994. And that what I most want from 2012 is for him to be utterly humiliated, even if that means President Palin at the helm. That much rage.
For all he knows--


Dr. sipmac has ranted


Enhanced by Zemanta