I admit it: I was planning to start June with this traditional post with a recount of the most conspicuous A-Holes under the sipmacrants! radar, but I couldn’t wait until then. So, without further ado, let’s see the A-Holes of 2012, Summer Edition!
1. Elizabeth Warren: minority status in modern America confers you sort of invulnerability. It is difficult to criticize a minority representative without appearing /being labeled as an insensitive bastard bigoted sexist racist. That said, it is utter dishonest to claim Native American ancestry in a Harvard application, drop it after several years, and reclaim it for your political career (while your actual ancestry is of the purest oppressors). Add a dubious book about native American cooking with plagiarized receipts of meals that doesn’t resemble native diet AT ALL, and the perfect political storm is about to be served. The Verdict: A fraudulent lying A-Hole.
2. Francisco Rojas Birry: A country opens its political institutions to those that where excluded and mistreated generation after generation. Hopefuls everywhere vote for him with the irrational expectation that he will never engage in corrupt practices, just because he has minority status. He does it anyway while serving as the capitol city ombudsman, and is found guilty after a fair trial. Only after this, he calls his minority pals to physically defend him from being detained and defiantly asks to be judged according to “his ancestral law.” The Verdict: A racemongering demagogic A-Hole.
3. Eduardo Merlano: A senator is driving a few friends somewhere and is asked by the police for an alcohol test. He doesn’t only refuse but insolently brags about his 50.000 voters and his ability to “solve” the impasse with a single phone call “to the Colonel.” His female friends are as aggrieved as him and accuse the police officers of being “bitter creeps.” He walks away, giving squat of being caught on camera, just as the Police Commander is caught on tape scolding his agents for “not respecting the hierarchy.” The Police Commander resigns amid the following scandal, and the senator (that gets his first driving license ONLY A FEW DAYS AFTER THE INCIDENT) asks for a medical excuse because of the “stress.” He has no intentions of resigning. The Verdict: A scumbag A-Hole.
4. Bill Maher: a progressive that loves “science and reason” but hates vaccines is caught red handed but still gets away while demeaning women with mean “jokes”, now financing Barack Obama’s reelection efforts with A COOL MILLION DOLLARS being used to decry a phony “GOP war on women.” Convoluted, isn’t it? It’s politics, anyway. And Ann Coulter’s dear friend is still a mean A-Hole (she can’t say a word against his dear friend Misogynist Billy. Really, she can’t).
5. Larry Flynt: before the sexual revolution it was “women, pregnant and barefoot.” Thanks to pornographer Larry Flynt, we now know that the way for women that dare live outside the liberal plantation is being “shut up with a phallus in their mouths.” Proving that the “war on women” narrative is a mere distraction, misogynist Bill Maher tells S.E. Cupp that she should not whine worry because he got the same treatment from First Amendment A-Hole Larry Flynt, too. That makes two A-Holes taking an ingratiating one for the liberal team!
6. P. Diddy: “Look how rich I am! I feel like spending TWO MILLION in strippers while in Miami!” First pay the paltry 70 grand you owe photographer Rob Hoffman since February, you cheap A-Hole!
7. Meghan McCain: the poster child for desperate ingratiation. She really doesn’t crave anything but please the Democrats and the left (Daddy issues, anyone?). It would be funnier if she wasn’t hurting people in the process by smearing and mischaracterizing conservatives and Republicans while pretending she’s the victim of mean “extremists”. The Verdict: Annoying A-Hole.
8. Rey Juan Carlos of Spain: many may think I’m taking a cheap shot with this, but I will make my case. See, if I accidentally killed my brother with a gun, for sure I would NEVER touch another one in my entire grieving life. But, no His Highness had to go to Africa to hunt elephants (€ 70.000 apiece), where he broke his hip. In the meanwhile, a grandson decides to follow the nincompoop tradition and shoots himself in the foot with another gun. In an era in which monarchs are seen as obsolete and useless artifacts, his serial philandering on taxpayer’s dime makes him even more odious to his Spaniard subjects (already pissed off by a collapsing economy). The Verdict: A Royal A-Hole.
It gets better every new semester.
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I hate these days. People are telling you to STFU. Just say it, no matter how stupid or offensive it is.