Yep, Obama's looking for a New Nobel Prize!

Dear Abby:

I'm the president of a very powerful nation that doesn't deserve that power at all. Until now, I did manage my best to make my country become another one among the others, from kowtowing to foreign monarchs and assorted despots, to offering kind gestures to undeserving tyrants and finally, by running the economy into the ground by creating permanent humongous deficits and rising the unemployment to European levels, all in the name of equality and spreading the wealth (just like my wife recently did with the taxpayers' money in her Europe vacation. The PIIGS are truly in desperate need).

I thought my people would appreciate all this (after all, I am the smart one), but no! All those ungrateful peasants are still clinging to their guns and their religion (Apparently, they didn't get Mr. Hawking's pleasant news: there's no need for a God for the universe to exist). No matter what my independent media does, these hicks don't want to listen to them but only to their own fellow hicks. And, as you might know by now, the race card is already maxed out.

Oh, this weakness of mine! I need to grab attention and recognition, and I deserve all the recognition and attention I can grab. I can't truly understand why my global audience systematically try to tie me to all the environmental fiascoes when I promised that with all my sacred legislation the oceans would recede. You might be fooled thinking I've got all the absolute congressional majorities needed to pass any piece of legislation, but I assure you it is all those darn Republicans that are blocking my initiatives.

Abby, I need a break. So I decided to launch my new inspirational book for children in October. 'Of Thee I Sing: A Letter to My Daughters', full of profiles that will draw all the attention and admiration I need to nurture this weakness of mine. And maybe this way I will win another Nobel Prize this year (Two years in a row -- In your face, everybody!). The more I think about it, the more I tremble because of the brilliance of my plan. The people will be seduced again to vote democrat in November by reading my shining prose (it will be mandatory in schools, for sure), and I will keep my majorities in Congress.

Oh, dear Abby; I thought I needed your help, but as usual, this is not the fact. Thanks anyway. As a token of my appreciation of you, I think you may keep this letter. Who knows how much insight it might give to my future biographers (and autobiographers).

Very truly yours,


The One

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear One:

There's a pair of very special clothes I think would suit you for your new Nobel Prize acceptance ceremony...

Sandler's Grown Ups Critics are just jealous children

It’s there anything better than being Adam Sandler’s buddy? Duh. Being Adam Sandler, of course. So, please, please don’t pay attention to those movie critics using epithets like inane, derivative, repetitive, immature… you name it. There’re just jealous. For real.

Consider this: picture yourself being a comedian making not only comedies, but successful comedies aimed to the low- and the middlebrow. Yep, no Woody Allen material, for starters. Making unpretentious movies is not the major offense to the critics, but not caring about them it is.
Adam Sandler has been releasing through Happy Madison a consistent string of hits that has made him a major box-office draw, besides, if he uses any theme that used with proper treatment could be “Oscar Gold”, he uses it lightheartedly: offensive humor sometimes, but not-so-offensive of too controversial statements. Additionally he uses a lot of familiar faces in his movies over and over again, not only from Saturday Night Live, but Kevin James, Henry Wrinkler and the hottest female A-listers, by the way. Some of them wouldn’t be getting any action those days just by themselves, but that’s not a problem for them, thanks to old chum Sandler.

Considering all this, is completely no surprise that the newest Sandler flick features an all-star ensemble cast (Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, Rob Schneider, Salma Hayek, Maria Bello, Maya Rudolph, Joyce Van Patten, Ebony Jo-Ann, Di Quon, Steve Buscemi, Tim Meadows, Madison Riley) which coincide to mourn over the death of a basketball coach that made a difference in the lives of the starring male cast (once a champion team back in 1978). In the meanwhile, their families celebrate the 4th of July weekend, reconnecting to the simple things of life and patching up things between them and their children.

Too corny? Too much déjà vu? Too much toilet humor? The critics thought so, even without a saluting-the-flag-scene in the era of the first post-american president (God forbid!). For me, like most Adam Sandler movies, it was a truly entertaining movie, in spite of all its faults (real and alleged ones). It doesn’t need to promise. I go and watch it, totally sure that it will deliver.

Beyond that, to all the allegations of corniness and cheap sentimentalism, and the lack of warped personalities that make Hollywood pictures “interesting”, I would simply point that Egg-head made a movie about friendship, something in he truly believes, and you can realize it in real life, too.


This guy is so much better than you, critics.

Christine, wherever you are, please take 'em up!

Have you ever been driving a F-150 through the desert at dawn? Watching the full moon four times bigger as you watch it in the city? It doesn't matter, if you can drive a car you may have your perfect driving moment and you may still be keeping to yourself, because it is kind of a zen experience you don't want to ruin by sharing it with a stranger.

Anyway, I should thank first Stephen King for introducing me to the then unknown pleasures of driving at the tender age of 13. I read his best-seller Christine, and boy did my life change after that. I thought I could relate a lot to Arnie Cunningham, who always had to put up with tons of misery until he found a little happiness and then his life force would be taken from him for good.

But he was driving the perfect car: a red-white '58 Plymouth Fury. Made just for him. Oh, did I tell you before how much I like rock 'n roll? Every time I see a fiftysomething Chevrolet Bel-Air, a Pontiac or an old Studebaker, I remember immediatly:

From the Beach Boys to the Beatles to Jan and Dean and a very long et cetera, driving a cool car and rock 'n roll music belong together. But not anymore. In the name of political correctness and enviromentalism, we have to endure this:

Driving a car won't be as fun as it used to be. Thanks for nothing, GM.

Christine, wherever you are, please take 'em up!

"Kick Ass" kicks the comic books and superhero movies standards you know where

Warning: No big spoilers here - safe to read

By Dr. sipmac

¿Jan Luc Picard or James Tiberius Kirk? ¿Star Wars or Star Trek? ¿Law and Order or CSI? ¿DC or Marvel? Dr. sipmac's heart still belongs to the DC Universe, and he remembers how when he was a child he used to think of the Marvel superheroes as second-rate Super Friends wannabes. While Superman had a succesful major motion picture, Captain America had a lame movie to offer (a little research tells Dr. sipmac that it had to be one of the two 1979 TV Movies starred by Reb Brown or both). It was sometimes utterly painful to watch Peter Parker being regularly abused by J. Jonah Jameson, even if it was a cartoon. Hey, you can tell anything you want about Clark Kent, but he never took abuse from anybody just the way Parker did. And, ¿have you ever seen the dreadful Marvel cartoons of the WWII era?

But nowadays Dr. sipmac recognizes that Marvel has done a superior job since the begining, and always had the ambition to aim always for something different and edgier than its competitor, even within the boundaries of the Comics Code Authority. And it has handsomely paid off: The X Men movies, the Hulk movies, the Fantastic Four Movies, the Iron Man movies... and on the other side, a lame attempt to revive the Superman franchise and (fortunately) the Dark Knight.
Maybe Dr. sipmac oversimplyfies in his analysis, but you may think he's getting the overall picture right. Marvel connects a lot better with the readers than DC does and sets the trend where competitors parasitically thrive. The trendsetting example this time is, as the title already revealed, "Kick Ass". There is a lot of reviews for this movie, sip is not going to try to top, but he feels the need to share still a few more thoughts.

As in Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius, literature, even in the form of the "despicable" comic books is approaching reality and slowly reshapingly it. In the Golden Age of Comic books it took an extra-terrestrial or a multi-millionaire to fight crime; in the Silver Age the lead was taken by a geek that gained radioactive superpowers, and the modern age artists like to praise the exploits of superheroes with no powers, even no special training. Just like Kick Ass. Well, and that modern age Batman, the awesome and lethal Hit Girl.

For sip, it was hauntingly attractive to write a story about a superhero-without-powers for years. Well, you can say it's too late, it is already been done. But you didn't knew that the first requirement for that implausibly plausible character was his insanity. Yes, for Dr. sipmac it was clear from the beginning that the protagonist had to be a complete nutcase, with his madness barely concealed. Sip imagined an insignificant hard working clerk, a worthless peon tired with his mindless job, that decides to "fight evil" after working hours. He would dress as... a giant bird. He would drive an old clunker across the city until he could find something he could fight for.

And now you may think, sip, it's really too late. You are talking about Big Daddy, the father of Hit-Girl. No, sip is surely talking, er... retelling Don Quixote. Just think about it: take the superpowers or the special skills away from a costumed hero and tell me what you get? Don't be shy... yes, a ridiculous, insane and senseless person. A Don Quixote.

It surely can be found ideology traces in the comic book-movie tandem, but you (maybe) never thought you could find even deeper meaning in this externally harsh and coarse presentation. We need more Don Quixotes in this world.

What are you waiting for? Go and watch the movie!

Phineas and Ferb - Rules of the Cyberspace Road Public Service Announcement

What else should I say? These smart kids say it all! Of course, they are Phineas and Ferb. Hopefully this will be available in other languages. Be careful of what-choo doin' on the internet!



First when Dr. sipmac saw this, he said: "I know what the sipmac ensemble is going to do today!" Enjoy.

Mr. Weisberg, don’t be such a cry baby

Note from Dr. sipmac: Dear Readers, it seems Paul Maršić is acting quite mean lately. Not ballistic yet, but decidedly mean. sip suspects there is some medication issue but he won’t elaborate further. That said, he lets now Paul rant—


Note from Paul Maršić: Knock it off, Dr. Doom! What’s the name of this blog? sipmacrants! I’ll rant if I want it, you—


Note from Dr. sipmac: Without further ado, here’s Paul Maršić with

Mr. Weisberg, don’t be such a cry baby

Last Saturday, Slate’s Chairman and Editor-in-Chief Mr. Jacob Weisberg showed all the contempt he has for the people he allegedly is trying to save: his piece, called Down with the People, calls the hope-and-change resistant people “childish and ignorant” and holds them responsible for the current political and economic crisis. What a difference between this outright rant and the preface of the US Constitution! Talking about talking down to people!

And why is that, Mr. Weisberg? Because the people are inconsistent with the type of government they desire? Come on, everybody wants a busy government, but nobody wants to be taxed to death, nobody wants the government increasing the debt of the country, turning the situation unsustainable and the nation unviable. Slate’s owners would be nervous long before you could incur in so much debt that you turned your company bankrupt.

But I’m surely being unfair with you. I was misled by the titles Chairman and Editor-in-Chief the Slate Group bestowed on you. I thought you knew a thing or two about running a business. Maybe you’re busy only with the creative and editorial issues of your company. And yet you try to pin again the health care fiasco on the Republicans! Hello! The Dems have enough votes to pass anything the Obama administration wants. They don’t really need the Republicans at all. If Obama wants to play the bipartisanship card, is because he wants to calm down his own nervous Democrats in both houses. Don’t tell me you don’t know that or you’re risking to be charged with intellectual dishonesty.

And for the people? Did it not occur to you this time they could be right? I won’t fall in that “people are always right” trap, just the same I’m not falling in the “Chairman and Editor-in-Chief is always right” trap. But just consider what the people said after you posted your piece:

“Beautifully put, I agree with pretty much everything you said. I am glad you compared the country with California, where the "successful only in blocking tax increases" Republicans have been deadlocked with the "successful only in increasing spending" Democrats for years. That state is headed for bankruptcy and so is the country of people don't face up to the hard choices.”

So, the hard choice for California is, to be taxed to death, again. Not to trim humongous bureaucracy or public employees privileges projected for the next 75 years. And don’t come to me threatening with massive firings in the police, education system, all the usual suspects. I think a lot of us would be happy if the state senate trims all their benefits in half. They won’t be starving, either. Talk about redistribution!


See? But, wait, there’s more!

“ Boring MIddle Aged Guy
I loved this article. I have been saying that we get the government that we deserve and that government is now a reflection of 'us' in general. Spending money we don't have. Wanting everything but not wanting to pay for it. Wow, that's my neighbors, my brother. On top of that, we complain about every single little inconvenience. Cripes”

That’s more I like it, I meant. That could be a more balanced view of “we the people”, more balanced than your view, I think… in the meanwhile, you can think of me like “that cranky, deluded Maršić guy”, but do you really know what I think of you? Well, I think your pride was deeply hurt recently, and this piece you wrote was your way to get even with the American public, calling them names. How mature of you, by the way.


You think I’m kidding? On November 28 you paid your respects to president Obama with a glowing review titled “Obama’s brilliant first year”, counting that if health care reform was passed in Congress, he would have achieved more than any first – year president since FDR. And in a way, that would have been entirely accurate, but for the wrong reasons. Yes, it would have made a lasting impression in America, to succeed where Truman, Johnson, Carter and Clinton failed. Once an entitlement program starts, like taxes, it is very difficult to stop.

Well you even dare to say that with health care reform passed, Obama could spend the remaining three years of his first term without doing anything and he still would be considered a great president.

“No, the results do not yet merit his Nobel Peace Prize. But not since Reagan has a new president so swiftly and determinedly remodeled America's global role”,

you added regarding Obama’s foreign policy, Copenhagen notwithstanding. Oh, that’s not fair! Copenhagen ended on December 19th. You wrote your article on November 28th, when Climategate was already the theme of the day. Oh, but not in your website, that’s true.


And then, it happened. Scott Brown happened. Now the cat is out of the bag, but is a childish and ignorant cat, according to you. The people are wrong, you’re right. How can’t they see that? You know what’s best for them.

Even now I cannot imagine your grim despair that January 19th in the evening, and maybe you commit the mistake of watching the fray of your article and read comments like:

“I came back to comment on this (now-oh-so-outdated) article because of the enormous hilarity of its claim. It has been a year now and since most universally acknowledge, even many democrats, that Obama has not only been an unmitigated disaster for his party but for the nation as well, I felt obligated to come here and gloat. Stupid liberals, politics are for adults. Never before in American history has such a small class of ideologues, stinking with hubris, so convinced themselves to believe is so much bull crap. Jacob Weisberg may just be, as his article objectively proves, the dumbest political analyst in the nation. Surely he will lose his job, right? Don't count on it. Liberals take great comfort in numbers even if it's only 6 people blogging from their basement. Keep up the good work Washington Post. You think you were blindsided by Brown's win in Mass just wait until November. BTW, last Wednesday the Washington Post's metro edition (given to those riding the trains) had nothing about Brown's win on its cover. lmao”

Or what about this? It was pretty insolent and offensive, I concede:

“Seriously - Take the President's c**k out of your mouth.
by Bobarian
12/01/2009, 10:39 AM #
+2/-2 Reply
The best part of Obama's presidency so far has been the fact that he hasn't been able to enact very few of the hair-brained, poorly thought out, and vacuous policies that he ran his campaign on.”

That last comment wasn’t even à propos Brown victory, but that was surely to express disagreement with all the flaws in your review. The people in the fray came to hit you, and hard. I would have been angry, too. But I’m not the Chairman and Editor-in-Chief of the Slate Group, that should count for something. Mr. Weisberg, don’t be such a cry baby. And don't mess with your potential customers.

Paul Maršić has ranted

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The incredible and sad story of the candid Elizabeth and the monster John

"Game Change" is the name of the game. A payload of dirt for McCain, Palin, the Clintons, the Edwardeses, and yes, the Obamas. It's coming down fast! The first victims of this avalanche of filth, are, for sure, the children of a lesser god: John and Elizabeth Edwards. For the first time in history, we can watch, word for word, page by page, how a big political campaign imploded, thanks to the hubris and the stupidity of their leading emptyheads. Hey, don't take my word for it! Read it from here, or buy the book.

And the monster? Just read it and weep:

As for Elizabeth Edwards, she is reportedly now urging John to accede to Hunter’s demands and take responsibility for his paternity of Frances Quinn—a dramatic and no doubt painful turnabout from her position eighteen months ago. Confronted then with the Enquirer photo of her husband cuddling Hunter’s baby, she insisted to Palmieri that she still believed he was not the father. “I have to believe it,” Elizabeth said. “Because if I don’t, it means I’m married to a monster."

Whatever it Takes for a Quick Laugh from the Audience

Dr. sipmac has been pretty sick for the last ten or twelve days. He doesn't mean to leave his blog unattended, but it is difficult for him to write even at this very moment.Heck, he will try.

By watching "Dances With Smurfs", the latest South Park episode (you can watch it here), you can conclude that:

1. Glenn Beck's rants have absolutely no substance, they are just plain unsubstantiated (and entertaining) demagoguery. He's just so ready to make a quick buck from every word he utters...

2. The people attending the summer Tea Parties and the 9/12 do not have a legitmate concern about how the US economy is being handled by the Obama Administration. They are just merely Glenn Beck's puppets, going out to protest because they are told so, and they are so stupid they don't realize it, so they deserve to be mocked, too (Hint: they are for the same freedoms you cherish, Trey and Matt).

3. Without reading a single sentence from it, one can infer that Sarah Palin's book is as funny as his public image is tarnished by the mainstream media.


Oh my, who I am? Just Dr. sipmac, and Trey Parker and Matt Stone are gazillionaires who made it real big by creating South Park, one of the most outrageous and entertaining cartoons ever made. They usually like to shock all kinds of public and advocate for all kind of freedoms in their show, including freedom of enterprise (and of course, free markets). Apparently this time they didn't bother to do some research before the episode was made, because it was so darn funny from the very start. Hey, why they did not watch some Penn & Teller: Bullshit episodes regading the economy? They could even ask directly Penn and Teller, since they are close friends.

Margaritaville was funny (and deserving to be awarded), but still was strike one: jeez, keynesian stimulus, overspending are really the solutions... Again, go and watch Penn & Teller, look what the stimulus have done for the economy. Now, it's strike two. We will see if you can do anything for a laugh so you can't even be loyal to your own wallets.

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Three New Navy Ships (Collected from the Internet)

USS RONALD REAGAN

Seeing it next to the Arizona Memorial really puts its size into perspective... ENORMOUS!

When the Bridge pipes ' Man the Rail' there is a lot of rail to man on this monster: shoulder to shoulder, around 4...5 acres. Her displacement is about 100,000 tons with full complement...

Capability

Top speed exceeds 30 knots, powered by two nuclear reactors that can operate for more than 20 years without refueling

1. Expected to operate in the fleet for about 50 years

2. Carries over 80 combat aircraft

3. Three arresting cables can stop a 28-ton aircraft going 150 miles per hour in less than 400 feet

Size

1. Towers 20 stories above the waterline

2. 1092 feet long; nearly as long as the Empire State Building is tall

3.. Flight deck covers 4.5 acres

4. 4 bronze propellers, each 21 feet across, weighing 66,200 pounds

5. 2 rudders, each 29 by 22 feet and weighing 50 tons

6. 4 high speed aircraft elevators, each over 4,000 square feet


Capacity

1. Home to about 6,000 Navy personnel

2. Carries enough food and supplies to operate for 90 days

3. 18,150 meals served daily

4. Distillation plants provide 400,000 gallons of fresh water from sea water daily, enough for 2,000 homes

5. Nearly 30,000 light fixtures and 1,325 miles of cable and wiring 1,400 telephones

6. 14,000 pillowcases and 28,000 sheets

7. Costs the Navy approximately $250,000 per day for pier side operation

8. Costs the Navy approximately $25 million per day for underway operations (Sailor's salaries included).

USS BILL CLINTON

The USS William Jefferson Clinton (CVS1) set sail today from its home port of Vancouver , BC

The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton 'for his foresight in military budget cuts' and his conduct while holding the (formerly dignified) office of President.

The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots.
It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which, although they cannot be launched on the 100foot flight deck, form a very menacing presence.

As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board.

This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs.

An onboard Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may seem hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere.

In times of conflict, the USS Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada.

USS BARACK OBAMA

Details are as vague as his past, his economic policies and his credentials to lead. But don't you worry........he has a plan!

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