Yep, Obama's looking for a New Nobel Prize!

Dear Abby:

I'm the president of a very powerful nation that doesn't deserve that power at all. Until now, I did manage my best to make my country become another one among the others, from kowtowing to foreign monarchs and assorted despots, to offering kind gestures to undeserving tyrants and finally, by running the economy into the ground by creating permanent humongous deficits and rising the unemployment to European levels, all in the name of equality and spreading the wealth (just like my wife recently did with the taxpayers' money in her Europe vacation. The PIIGS are truly in desperate need).

I thought my people would appreciate all this (after all, I am the smart one), but no! All those ungrateful peasants are still clinging to their guns and their religion (Apparently, they didn't get Mr. Hawking's pleasant news: there's no need for a God for the universe to exist). No matter what my independent media does, these hicks don't want to listen to them but only to their own fellow hicks. And, as you might know by now, the race card is already maxed out.

Oh, this weakness of mine! I need to grab attention and recognition, and I deserve all the recognition and attention I can grab. I can't truly understand why my global audience systematically try to tie me to all the environmental fiascoes when I promised that with all my sacred legislation the oceans would recede. You might be fooled thinking I've got all the absolute congressional majorities needed to pass any piece of legislation, but I assure you it is all those darn Republicans that are blocking my initiatives.

Abby, I need a break. So I decided to launch my new inspirational book for children in October. 'Of Thee I Sing: A Letter to My Daughters', full of profiles that will draw all the attention and admiration I need to nurture this weakness of mine. And maybe this way I will win another Nobel Prize this year (Two years in a row -- In your face, everybody!). The more I think about it, the more I tremble because of the brilliance of my plan. The people will be seduced again to vote democrat in November by reading my shining prose (it will be mandatory in schools, for sure), and I will keep my majorities in Congress.

Oh, dear Abby; I thought I needed your help, but as usual, this is not the fact. Thanks anyway. As a token of my appreciation of you, I think you may keep this letter. Who knows how much insight it might give to my future biographers (and autobiographers).

Very truly yours,


The One

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Dear One:

There's a pair of very special clothes I think would suit you for your new Nobel Prize acceptance ceremony...

Beware! The French nagging police is watching you!

By Paul Maršić

Domestic violence is a serious matter. Domestic violence is no laughing matter. You just tell Nadine Morano, junior family minister of France, she’s making a travesty of domestic violence by praising the latest attempt of the French National Assembly to regulate human life and human nature: “we have introduced an important measure here, which recognizes psychological violence, because it isn’t just blows [that hurt], but also words”.

What she is referring is that now in France is unlawful by decree any kind of verbal abuse between spouses (or domestic partners); perpetrators would be facing up to three years in prison and 92.000. French lawmakers and bureaucrats (ever wonder how the dreaded word originates?) are looking to proscribe badmouthing in blogs and trolling in web forums next. It’s just the natural logical progression.By attempting to micro-regulate human behavior this way, the state is risking more loss of respect from its citizens and effectiveness. Do you think this is law applicable? Define verbal abuse first. Did your spouse threaten with beating or killing you? Well, I’m completely sure that when a citizen threatens another, is breaking an already established law. See, this is a futile effort, a superfluous law. There is a lot of serious nagging in every marriage. The law already contemplates that when people in marriages are fed up with this (mental cruelty), they can always call it quits (it is already called divorce).
This puerile law tries to coerce people to “behave properly” in a most impractical way. It is like trying to outlaw stupid behavior with a bill. And with people like the junior family minister of France, who doesn’t recognized that the road to hell is paved with good intentions or realize legislature must be full of common sense, well, it is worth a try.

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Uncyclopedia UnNews: Unfunny, plain sick

Before it occurs to go down the memory hole, Dr. sipmac wishes to share with you one of the latest "humorous" creations of the Uncyclopedia kids:

Embarrassed paedophile apologizes to children for poor sexual performance


Featured in UnNews, it goes way beyond satire and parody, it is outright disgusting. But wait, there's more. As they are already bragging, the answer to the question "Uncyclopedia announces a new policy on offensive material" is writing even more offensive things. By mocking religion, political beliefs and anything you want, do you really think there is no limits? Mr. Jonathan Huang, please remember rule number 2. An apology would not hurt and would demonstrate there are real people at Uncyclopedia.

FULL DISCLOSURE: Dr. sipmac reads Uncyclopedia on a daily basis, but does not celebrate all the faux pas and misfires he can find in that website.

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MSM Obama Speech For dummies

NOTE: Greyhawk from AL, made an hilarious comment about a Lorie Byrd column in Townhall.com, and Dr. sipmac wants to share.
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My fellow Americans:

As your future President I want to thank my supporters, for your mindless support of me, despite my complete lack of any legislative achievement, my pastor's relations with Louis Farrakhan and Libyan dictator Mohamar Gaddafi, or my blatantly leftist voting record while I present myself as some sort of bi-partisan agent of change.

I also like how my supporters claim my youthful drug use and criminal behavior somehow qualifies me for the Presidency after 8 years of claiming Bush's youthful drinking disqualifies him. Your hypocrisy is a beacon of hope shining over a sea of political posing.

I would also like to thank the Kennedy's for coming out in support of me. There's a lot of glamour behind the Kennedy name, even though JFK started the Vietnam War, his brother Robert illegally wiretapped Martin Luther King, Jr. and Teddy killed a female employee with whom he was having an extra marital affair and who was pregnant with his child. And I'm not going anywhere near the cousins, both literally and figuratively. And I'd like to thank Oprah Winfrey for her support. Her love of meaningless empty platitudes will be the force that propels me to the White House.

Americans should vote for me, not because of my lack of experience or achievement , but because I make people feel good. Voting for me causes some white folk to feel relieved of their imagined, racist guilt. I say things that sound meaningful, but don't really mean anything because Americans are tired of things having meaning. If things have meaning, then that means you have to think about them.

Americans are tired of thinking. It's time to shut down the brain, and open up the heart. So when you go to vote, remember don't think, just do. And do it for me.

Thank You.

Barack Hussein Obama, Jr.

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