Our traditional countdown of yearly a-holes makes its second semester appearance! This time, a fair and balanced cast between newcomers and serial offenders stole the spotlight that Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger and other politicos eagerly craved. For instance, this semester’s list features:
1. Levi Johnston: a lightweight by definition, this former, estranged fiancé of Bristol Palin and father of Trigg, their sole child. Now and in the same venue as Ronald Reagan Jr., Johnston has made a living by trashing her former in-laws and the mother of her child (Somehow unexpectedly, his plan of a modeling/acting career in Hollywood never took off). The Palins, always the classier ones, have remained silent about Johnston’s attempts to milk them as a cash cow, even when he published this year his memoir “Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin's Crosshairs.” Jimmy Carter had to endure his brother Billy Beer, Bill Clinton had to deal with his embarrassing brothers and sisters, so it’s perfectly natural for the Palins the need to deal with a family a-hole.
2. Jimmy Fallon / Ahmir “Questlove” Thompson: speaking of a total lack of 
class, the less-than-cavalierly attitude regarding GOP presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann is outright cowardly and miserably despicable. Cheap shots and entrapments are expected for republicans in liberal controlled media (witness Newsweek’s cover photo of the same Michelle), but that didn’t stop Thompson from going really low: he and the house band played “Lyin’ Ass Bitch” when Congresswoman Bachmann entered the show. Besides, he bragged in twitter what he was up to prior to the appearance. Jimmy Fallon reaction? “@Questlove is grounded.” NBC reaction? None.
3. Copper Pooper: ever wondered what would be the face of #OccupyWallStreet in the history books? Don’t look any more for peppered protestors; Copper Pooper is here to stay! Lacking even more class than Johnston, Fallon and Questlove combined, Copper Pooper thinks that the right way to show the piggies how he thinks about them is taking a dump in a police car. Pooper: the whole world watched you, a-hole!
4. Miley Cirus: conventional wisdom says that a clean, wholesome image is an asset when you’re a teenage star, but a huge liability when you want to reach adulthood with the same star status. So, you start appearing nude in magazines, smoking pot (to shiver your “innocence” away) and becoming “transcendent” by supporting trendy causes. Miley decided to dedicate a year-old song to the #OWS Movement. Her support fell flat with the protesters, and her PR stunt failed miserably. Being the visible head of a billion-dollars franchise, anointed by none other than the Mouse himself, as having an estimated personal fortune in the ranks of $ 120 million, nobody was there to buy her sincerity and support to the cause. Jay-Z couldn’t, either. The only one that gets away by combining huge wealth, socialist activism and hypocrisy is Michael Moore.
5. Timochenko: Rodrigo Londoño Echeverri, a.k.a. Timoleón Jiménez, a.k.a. Timochenko, is the new head honcho of the farc, the oldest guerrilla army in the western hemisphere. The Colombian army recently attempted to rescue long time kidnapped soldiers and policemen, and the operative ended in tragedy. The sole survivor of the kidnapped succeeded in surviving by running to the opposite direction the guerilleros told him: far away from them. The rest of his companions stayed with their captors, only to get summarily executed. A few days later, the tyrant wannabe dares to express his condolences to the victims’ families, miserably and cynically attempting to whitewash any responsibility, dumping it on the Colombian army and the president. Absolutely nobody bought it. BTW, Juan Manuel Santos seemed to interpret the sentiments of his compatriots when he answered: Don’t take us for assholes!
6. Piedad Córdoba: I wasn’t accurate when I said nobody bought Timochenko’s story. Not only the former Senator did believe it, but dared to put the blame entirely on the president, alleging that the release of the war prisoners… er, kidnapped was already on the way when the liberation operative took place. Matter-of-factly, Córdoba casted her doubts on the nature of the deaths, implying they could have being because of the crossfire and not of executions, irresponsibly contradicting both the forensic reports and the account of the sole survivor of the gruesome ordeal.
7. Michael Mann/Phil Jones: two words: Climategate 2.0. The main stars of this entanglement of lies, doctored climate reports and mafia-style repression of dissent, remain defiant and unrepentant, despite the amount of evidence in the form of leaked e-mails.
See ya next semester!
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I hate these days. People are telling you to STFU. Just say it, no matter how stupid or offensive it is.