Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Walden Schmidt will be the new half man in Two and a Half Men: #Winning!

Charles Francis Harper was a genius. But by courtesy of Charlie Sheen, the carefree happy-go-lucky bachelor met an untimely, grim death and a ghastly, unpleasant, rather disturbing funeral. The hapless Alan was unable to conduct a dignified ceremony. Her mother, pitching in that very moment the sale of Charlie’s iconic Malibu house, wasn’t very helpful, either.

The beloved nutty pharmacist appeared to collect his $ 38.000 (apparently, that’s what Charlie owed in smack), and most former girlfriends of the Womanizer of the Aughts decided to confirm by themselves if the good news were true. Not a nice word for Charlie by them but by the black widow, Rose. She left implied that Charlie cheated on her and that’s why an unfortunate accident kept the coffin closed at the funeral.
Cut to the Malibu Pad. Bertha, reliable as ever, offers the only thing resembling a eulogy in the whole episode. Evelyn explains that Charlie’s finances are such a mess that only by selling the house the estate may break even (the 6% commission is part of the deal, of course). So, Alan begins to face the very possibility of homelessness. Chuck Lorre’s revenge on Charlie Sheen is now complete.

Well, I might add that I was forecasting months ago that the ratings of the first episode of the ninth season were meant to be huge, even greater than any episode featuring Charlie Sheen. I wasn’t disappointed: 28 million viewers watched how Walden Schmidt/Ashton Kutcher entered Alan’s life practically the same way Charlie Harper tried to end his life when Chelsea dumped him. He was trying to drown himself, but the water was too cold. By the way, Charlie’s ashes were spilled all over the living room.

Chuck Lorre must have really enjoyed himself writing this tour-de-force: notable cameos by John Stamos, Joel Murray delivers the remains of Charlie Harper and Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson give us a hint that Dharma and Greg’s marriage might have soured quite a bit after all. But Kutcher’s sales pitch is the real blast here: even richer, handsomer, carefree and immature than his predecessor, and eager to take over Charlie Harper’s realm.

We still have to find out how the dynamics between Walden and the rest of the cast will be set. It might be creepy, but I think I’ll be missing Rose. Hopefully she makes another comeback, but since she was so devoted of Charlie…


This season looks promising enough.

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Tales from the Wikipedia Trash Can 8: List of Clichés 3

The Third and Final chapter in the trilogy that made you cringe...

Typical episodes

Most cartoons include an episode in which one or more characters:
• Sees what it would be like if they were never born (some of them can be similar to It's a Wonderful Life).
• Fall in love.
Shrink.
Travel in time.
Main characters are regressed into children or babies, or a young immature character at their care is progressed into an adult (usually resulting in a role swapping situation).
Switch minds with someone/something else along with their voices.
• Transform into an animal or monster, and usually attacked or hunted by their allies.
• Are hypnotized into switching sides, usually by the villain.
• Are handcuffed or otherwise semi-permanently attached to another character, either hero or villain, but almost always someone they have not been getting along with previous to the cuffing
• Fall into a depression where they may question the validity or purpose of their struggle, or even their very existence (More common in Japanese animation).
• Impersonate the opposite gender or another character.
• Travel to an alternate universe where all the heroes are evil and the villains good, or where the bad guys have taken over.
Get amnesia (often leading the character thinking they are friends with, or working for, one of their enemies).
• Meet a famous singer/actor, fictional or not.
• Go into outer space, often the moon.
• Celebrate and learn about Christmas.
• Get very scared of something.
• One team member leaves the team and returns by the end of the episode.
• Save the planet from an asteroid or some other large extraterrestrial object.
• Go through a very special episode with a moral/social message.
• Remind the others of all the adventures they lived through, bringing out flashbacks of older episodes (this is called a clip show).
• Get trapped inside a comic book, television show, or a video game, and must survive against numerous parodies and/or homages of and to pop or nerd culture with varying levels of accuracy.
• Meet a rival that bears a close resemblance to the Hero(es). (Doppelganger)
• Have a big argument with each other which threatens their friendship/teamwork but will make up at the end.
• Do the same things which already happened from an episode of another show.
• Attend wrestling matches with somebody stronger.
• Get a job in order to pay for something.
• Run away from home.
• Share similarities with or look like characters from other shows.
• Will meet and team up with characters from another show (this is called a crossover).
• Go on a dangerous assignment with one having to remain behind for some reason (injury, sickness, he's really stupid or not liked), but at the end of the episode he is the one who will end up saving everybody.
• Meet a dangerous enemy from their past whom they thought was defeated.
• Character A saves the life of Character B and then Character B becomes a servant to Character A, which usually annoys Character A. In the end Character B usually ends up saving the life of Character A, thereby repaying the debt.
• Mention other characters even though they're not in the episodes.
• Speak to the viewers.
• Come down with a cold.
• Celebrate Opposite Day.
• Fake a sickness. Usually to get out of a responsibility, such as school.
• The episode will be a spoof, remake or pastiche of a classic movie.
• Use phrases from other TV shows, cartoons or movies.
• Cartoon episodes very often have titles that are puns/spoofs on famous movie titles or expressions.

The City

• Action cartoons typically take place in a city that constantly falls victim to bizarre catastrophes that sends the helpless citizenry into panic. No matter how many alien invasions or cataclysms happen, the people will never be desensitized. Nor will they ever move out, revolt, or take steps to make the city safer.
• News of these events also tends to stick within city-borders as these apocalyptic events fail to draw any national attention.
• Large portions of the city are often destroyed and rebuilt rapidly and the good guys are never blamed for the amount of destruction they cause. This was the subject of parody in the film The Incredibles and The Powerpuff Girls Movie, where the superheroes are actually blamed. Underdog played this up. Whenever someone pointed out the damage he had caused, Underdog replied "I am a hero who never fails. I cannot be bothered with these details."
• Metropolitan police forces that are regularly confronted by superhuman or otherwise exceptional criminals never upgrade their equipment in response, and must rely entirely on one or two masked super-powered vigilantes to defend the city.
• Even in shows where the heroes are less mobile than the villains (i.e. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, where the heroes are teenagers and the villains are based on the moon), the villains always target the heroes' home city and not a place halfway across the world.

Characters

• A close friend of the hero is of African descent (Kim Possible, The Batman, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Dexter's Laboratory, The Fairly Oddparents, Danny Phantom, etc.).
• Any robot built will always have a human-like mind and personality, despite the intentions of the builder (unless it is a robot soldier used by villains).
• Robots always produce much more machinery and gadgets than their body can possibly contain.
• Usually, in Genndy Tartakovsky action cartoons, a character will let out an excessive scream after a large battle or in anguish. (Star Wars: Clone Wars, Samurai Jack)
• Evil twins always have some distinguishing feature, i.e. bushier eyebrows, different voice, paler skin, that lets them be easily distinguishable from their good twin. Most of the time, only the audience notices this. Even characters who may notice this feature fail to do so when inevitably faced with choosing which twin is good. ("Futurama")
• In shows where there is a group of 3 lead characters, it is almost always 2 boys and one girl. The leader of the group is often an inexperienced boy, but has great potential skill and develops a crush on the female of the group. The second boy is usually either a goof-off or a shady type that outshadows the hero in terms of skill (if this type is applied, the female often develops a crush on him). The female is usually the smartest or (often ignored) voice of reason, though is usually the weakest. (Naruto)

Weapons
• A firearm is very seldom used in modern cartoons. With very few exceptions, even the police and military are equipped with laser weapons that are rarely capable of killing anyone, despite the damage they may do to inanimate objects. Conversely, weapons that are capable of killing, particularly lasers and explosives, often do little damage to the surrounding area, especially if the characters are inside a room. This is rarer than the former situation, though.
• The ability of someone to actually hit their target with a weapon is inversely proportional to their lethality. Thus, handguns will never hit anything regardless of which side is wielding them, lasers only rarely hit anyone and usually only during a 'dramatic moment', while harmless weapons (such as cannons that launch rotten fruits) are surprisingly effective at neutralizing an adversary.
• Sharp weapons never cut or kill anyone. Except maybe on the cheek, finger, or hair. If someone is stabbed, the screen fades to black or the action is outscreen. If a girl's hair is cut, she will get excessively angry. This was made fun of in Spaceballs, when Princess Vespa voices her disdain for guns, then when a guard singes her hair with a laser beam only seconds later, she powerfully shoots up the rest of the guards.
• Characters trying to escape being crushed under a long, thin falling object, such as a bookcase, will invariably run parallel to the length of the bookcase instead of laterally. Often, they will appear to have gotten out from under it and stop to display relief, and be crushed anyway. Occasionally, they are crushed just before they escape.
• Needle syringes are not allowed to be shown on screen. They're often replaced with a futuristic syringe that doesn't require a needle. An exception to this is when a character that is afraid of shots is required to go the doctor or hospital, which will result in a nurse holding up a syringe with a needle of excessive length.
• Gases, serums, tranquilizers and all other chemicals immediately take effect when administered.

This is a list of clichés related to sports

• Bring our "A" game
• Take it one game at a time
• I'm just happy to be here
• Backs against the wall (especially before any elimination games)
• Swing and a miss
• He shoots — he scores!
• There's no "I" in "team"
• A commanding six–shot lead (in reporting golf results)
• He must be as sick as a parrot (UK - Football/soccer)
• It's a game of two halves
• Overcoming adversity
• They just wanted it more
• Second best all over the park
• It ain't over til it's over (originated by Yogi Berra)
• We're gonna have to play the kind of football we know we are capable of playing.
• Leave it all on the floor
• Credit to the opposition
• Giving 110%

Advertising clichés and phrases

• For all your ____-ing needs.
• And much, much more!
• Not sold in any store!
• How much would you expect to pay?
• But wait! Order now and you also get ___!
• But wait, there's more! (This phrase has actually been trademarked by Ron Popeil, the owner of Ronco.)
• There has to be a better way!
• Don't waste your time on ___ (the blank being a similar but supposedly less efficient product)
• Actual results may vary. (Used to avoid lawsuits when people don't achieve the results seen on the advertisement)
• How many times has this happened to you? (Frequently in ads related to travel)
• You might/will not believe this, but I was once just like you. (Frequently used in weight loss ads and by motivational speakers)
• Don't be fooled by imitators/competitors.
• For a limited time only
• Our best just got better.
• New and improved! (However this appears to be self-contradictory: if something is improved, it cannot be new)
• Terms and conditions apply (said very rapidly or printed very small).
• Save $__ (when spending is involved- which is always the case!).
• Only $__9.99 (no matter how expensive something is, it is always only that much).
• Just __ easy payments of $__9.99!
• Free* (an asterisk implies that it isn't really free and the accompanying text is very small and hard to find).
• That's right!
• Talk to your doctor about ___ (may also be “Ask your doctor if ____ is right for you”)
• How do we do it? Volume!
• Prices marked TOO LOW to advertise! (Usually seen in ads for automobiles.)
• Void where prohibited. (Usually because of special laws or employee problems.)
• Some Assembly Required
• Fun to play with, not to eat
• Each sold separately.
• Batteries not included. (This phrase and the 3 above it are commonly heard in children's toy commercials.)
• Part of a complete/good/balanced breakfast (almost always heard in ads for children's breakfast cereal)
• As seen on TV! (Alternatively, “Similar to those seen on TV” for imitations.)
• You can't afford not to buy this!
• Makes a great gift!
• More than just [product category]!
• The secret is ___. (Used to describe something that is unique to a particular product.)
• Better than the leading brand.
• Don't delay, call now!
• We're practically giving them away!
• None genuine unless it bears the signature of ___ (common in 19th century quack medicine)
• You've tried the rest, now try the best!
• Many will enter, few will win.
• A great deal will be made that the product is being sold under a certain amount (such as “Under $1000!”) when the stated price said it is just under that amount: “and it's yours for only $999!”
• Four out of five ___ agree product X is the best! (where ___ is somebody who is expected to be an expert in the field: doctors, dentists, mothers, etc.; parodied in the Trident gum commercials, which really had four out of five dentists agree that it helps clean teeth, in which one such expert accidentally falls on the "No" button)
• Act now and get a free _____ with your purchase!
• When you call, ask your operator about ___.
• The sale must end this weekend! (However the advert is repeated for several weeks running.)
• The announcer for a drug commercial would say the side effects and dangers of the drug in a manner so fast it is almost overlooked.

Often imitated, never duplicated. Tales from the Wikipedia Trash Can simply rules!
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Saturday, September 17, 2011

Tales from the Wikipedia Trash Can 8: List of Clichés 2


*********************LIST OF CLICHES 2***********************
****************THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL!!!*****************

Crime Dramas


• The suspect who is intelligent enough not to indulge any of their criminal acts for the first half of the show, immediately confesses all the details to a crime when presented with any evidence against him, usually acting proud of their criminal actions even though they know they will be arrested.
• At the beginning of the episode before the title credits, the main characters would make a sarcastic or snarky comment about the victim or crime.


Science fiction and fantasy

• Characters that are unwilling to communicate creating a major problem from something that could have been fixed just by telling someone. (Lost)
• A character who is forced to repeat one day over and over again (Groundhog Day, Xena: Warrior Princess, Christmas Every Day)
• A plot in which characters switch bodies (Farscape - Out of Their Minds (S2E09))
• A plot which involves the characters visiting present day earth.
• Evil soldiers will always miss their targets, while the hero never misses (the Stormtrooper effect)
• When a villain fires a gun at a bulletproof hero, he will then throw the empty gun, and the hero will duck; this applies mainly to Superman in various media, but it has happened elsewhere
• A plot in which one or more main characters visit a parallel dimension that is darker than their own (Star Trek's "Mirror, Mirror" (and sequels), Doctor Who's "Inferno" and "Rise of the Cybermen", The Flash)
• In martial arts movies, a group of minor thugs will surround the hero but only attack one at a time. This rule is only violated when the plot dictates that the hero be captured, at which point they finally gang up on him.
• Whenever the protagonist time travels into the past, he will invariably meet a great historical figure.
• Child who behaves in an unusual fashion (mute, autistic, etc.) who has extreme psychic ability or other gifts which get the heroes out of a jam. Many fan writers refer to this as the "mute kid with powers" cliché. A variant of this turns up in straight drama as the mute, retarded, autistic, or comically foreign individual who has unusual abilities or insights benefiting the main characters (e.g., Jodie Foster's Nell).
• Spaceships destroyed by enemy fire will always explode spectacularly.
• Despite advances in technology, spaceships will fight in visual range.
• The main cast will have at least one token minority; in addition, there will be at least one extremely attractive and provocatively dressed woman/female alien.
• The enemy ship/super weapon, no matter how large or powerful, will have a fatal flaw.
• Enemy forces are all ugly monsters/aliens or dress in ominous armor or uniforms.

General

• The ongoing, on-again-off-again relationship. Most often the two characters involved will finally get together towards the end of a series. (Friends, Gilmore Girls)
• In modern historical films, the women are often portrayed as just as capable as men in combat (Maid Marian in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Elena in The Mask of Zorro and The Legend of Zorro, Anna in Van Helsing, Arwen in Lord of the Rings and Elizabeth Swann in The Pirates of the Caribbean 2.
• A plot in which the hero (or heroes) faces a villain he cannot defeat. He then finds an ancient master or guardian that gives him a new power (better martial arts techniques, upgraded equipment, etc) with which he trounces the villain in the final scene.
• In stories involving racing competitions, the villain is more focused on attacking the hero than winning the race (obviously leading to his doom). (Note: While this cliché can be annoying, it does provide a good counter-example to the question "Are villains more interesting than the heroes who fight them?)

Animation clichés Good Guys vs. Bad Guys

• There will be an episode where the villain pretends to give up and/or turn good in order to lead the naive and trusting good guys into a trap (examples: Garfield and Friends, The Smurfs, and The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3, Xiaolin Showdown).
• Similarly, there will be an episode in which one of the good characters appears to have gone over to the side of evil. This is usually due to some sort of malign influence by the villains, or is a trick by the good guy to win the bad guys' trust. In either case, they will be restored to good by the end of the episode (or plotline, if several episodes revolve around the same thing.) (Teen Titans)
• For shows featuring robots, the good ones have blue eyes while the bad guys have red eyes (See The Transformers). This or variations of this theme may apply to humans/mutants as well (for example, good guys will don blue sunshades while bad guys will don red, or the bad guy could be a mutant with red eyes and the good guys have blue eyes).
• In shows that focus on a team of superheroes, a new character will often suddenly appear to join the team. They will later turn out to be working for the villain, especially if the team accepts them quickly. However, if the team reacts to them with extreme suspicion and mistrust, the new character may turn out to be a genuine hero, usually with a mysterious and tragic past that gives them a reason to hate the villain.
• There will usually be one episode in which the hero and the villain are forced to work together. Often this will involve them joining together to fight a more powerful foe. In several 80's cartoons (including G.I. Joe), this involved the good guys and the bad guys teaming up to fight the war on drugs. Invariably, the villain will attempt to betray the hero as soon as their common enemy has been defeated, or, as in Invader Zim, will simply get back to fighting.
• Characters, good or bad, never die; they fall into another dimension (e.g. Mary Jane Watson in Spider-Man: The Animated Series, the Outriders in Saber Rider, the Serpentmen in Conan The Adventurer, Bruce in Bucky O' Hare, Esmeraude in Sailor Moon, Bob and Megabyte in ReBoot, both managed to get back.)
• Good guys are never allowed to sneak on bad guys and attack them from behind. They must first get their attention, usually with a one-liner, prior to attacking. On the other hand, bad guys are not always restricted to that rule.
• Should the hero get caught in the enemy's trap, the villain will then explain the entire workings of his nefarious plot (assuming that the hero has not found out already). The villain will then leave the hero to his demise, through a cruel, though time-consuming method, neglecting to observe the hero at all. In that time between the villain's departure and the hero's intended demise, the hero will devise an escape plan and get away.
• A main character (one who is usually brought back from the dead) is discovered to be either a clone or a robot duplicate.
• The hero and villain will have to work together to defeat another foe even worse than the actual foe.

Good guys

• Good guys often dispense moral or social advice to their young audience, especially concerning issues such as drug use. There is typically a small segment set aside for this at the end of the cartoon. (G.I. Joe, Inspector Gadget, Captain Planet and the Planeteers, Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog). This is sometimes known as the “Knowing is half the battle...” scene because of the line the G.I. Joe cartoon uses.
• If the hero of a modern action-adventure cartoon is a teenage girl, she will be highly competent, extremely skilled, and almost never look bad or lose in combat. However, if the main character is a male of the same age, he will be relatively inexperienced and prone to mistakes despite his skill in combat. Compare Kim Possible or The Life and Times of Juniper Lee with Ben 10 or American Dragon: Jake Long.
• If a tomboyish girl is forced to dress nicely and become a girly girl (usually for a beauty pagent, contest, etc.), by the end of the plot she will choose "to be herself" and will usually win anyway. (Nikki Wong, 6teen'', Spenelli, Recess, Danny Phantom)
• If the heroes form a group of three or more, there will be a 'normal' girl and boy, often white, who are usually the most attractive members. They will be surrounded by a supporting cast of oddballs, usually including a very gifted and intelligent inventor, a sports fanatic, an overweight person, a younger character, etc. The normal girl will be the love interest for both the normal boy and the other males of the group as well; however, if she choses one, she chooses the normal boy.

Bad guys

Bad guys can be divided into several categories:

• Supervillains are the main nemeses of the hero. They are cruel and hateful towards everyone around them. Not only do their plans never succeed (except on rare occasions), but more often than not at the end of the episode they are worse off than they were at the start. However, they always diligently come up with a new evil scheme.
• Henchmen act as a Supervillain's lieutenants, and carry out their boss' tasks, usually accompanied by a group of Minions. They vary in levels of skill, bravery, loyalty, and competence, but are generally about as powerful as the Hero(es) (Beast Man in Masters of the Universe, Starscream in Transformers, and Storm Shadow in G.I. Joe).
• Minions are the obedient foot soldiers to the Supervillain, typically following orders, even those that lead to their deaths. They are poor fighters and are easily defeated by heroes and sidekicks alike. They also tend to have terrible aim and rarely actually hit any good guys they shoot at (see Stormtrooper effect). Henchmen rarely die violently, unless they are robots, golems, or other nonliving constructs, in which case they die as violently as possible. (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Samurai Jack, My Life as a Teenage Robot)
• The Independent Operative (a.k.a. The Mercenary or the Bounty-Hunter) who either works on his own, or gets hired by the Supervillain to deal with the Hero(es). The Operative is usually a threat to the Hero(es), but may become less of one as the series progresses.
• Despite having armies of stormtroopers and enough military hardware to outfit a small nation, evil organizations bent on world conquest frequently use bizarre and unorthodox methods (involving rare items and lengthy preparation) to achieve their goals rather than direct attack (as it is considered more entertaining for the young viewer and is less likely to involve human deaths). This was once common even in live-action films, but is now increasingly restricted to cartoons. Cartoons today often parody this cliché; for instance, the Kim Possible villain Señor Senior Sr. often explains in an episode that more realistic plans would be contrary to “the Code of Villainy.”
• The few female villains typically dress and act more provocatively than the heroines.
• Supervillains of Asian descent frequently have green skin (possibly to distract from race). Examples include Ming the Merciless in Defenders of the Earth, Dr. Julius No in James Bond Jr., The Mandarin in the Iron Man animated series.
• Villains are never of African descent, unless the hero is also of African descent or has black friends (such as Static Shock).
• The villain will deliver an ultimatum which the hero cannot or will not accept (i.e. surrender the planet to me or I will destroy it).
• The villain typically has a wise-cracking, usually anthropomorphic sidekick (this is usually true of Disney films). In any future sequels/television series, this sidekick may join the good guys.
• The henchmen will typically be mistreated by the supervillain. Often the henchmen are plotting revenge, usually in the form of a betrayal later on which will enable them to seize power from the main villain.


つづく

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Monday, September 12, 2011

Tales from the Wikipedia Trash Can 8: List of Clichés 1

The long-running franchise in which the sipmac team rescues from oblivion a nixed Wikipedia contribution is back! Frankly, I don't understand how we are supposed to have a grasp of the posmodern civilisation without a List of Clichés, the raw material of most of our entertainement nowadays. Without further ado:

List of Clichés


TV clichés

Medical Dramas

• Symptoms which are assumed early on to be a result of a common illness, but turn out to be a sign of a rare, very serious condition.("It's not the flu, it's cholera!"
The main character portrayed as a medical genius who diagnoses and treats patients with unusual or rare illnesses after the rest of the medical staff has proven unable to figure out the problem
• The boss or mentor character who has a harsh, "tough love" approach to the job, a difficult love life, and a controversial way of doing things.
• The religious family or church group who refuse to allow a member (usually a child) treatment on the grounds that it would contravene the articles of their faith.

Reality TV Shows
See reality television.

• An establishing shot using a pan that moves slowly, then speeds up, then moves slowly again
• A shot of the moon that quickly zooms out
• Stereotypical contestants such as the gay one, the bigot, or the flirt
• Celebrity contestants who are most often past their prime or have only just become famous
• A "good cop/bad cop" pair on the judges panel of a talent-based reality show
• A Celebrity version or an All-Star show introduced after several regular seasons (Celebrity Big Brother UK; I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!)
• The shock eviction of a supposedly popular contestant by public vote or otherwise
• Edited-in pauses during the "voting out" sequence

Soap Operas

• Characters who experience tragedy and constantly changing relationships with no long-term effects
• The long-lost sibling (often a twin), who often turns out to be a villain or a fraud
• Affairs which result in a pregnancy of questionable paternity.
• The town villain, whose sole desire is to gain control of all the other citizens.
• Weddings, holiday parties, and other special occasions which end with the revelation of a scandal
• Characters have a tendency to say, out-loud, their dark secret, which is often heard by the person it would affect most.
• Most characters are oblivious to others problems.

Sitcoms

Nuclear families headed by parents whose relationship dates back to college or even high school.
• The stay-at-home mother whose presence in the house is underappreciated but proves to be crucial to the survival of the family
• A situation where a main character has to choose between a popular clique/fraternity or his own friends.
• The middle-class working father, often absentminded or negligent at home
• The "cute kid," usually the youngest in the family, who rarely figures prominently in the plot but provides comic relief
• The fun aunt or uncle, often single or divorced, who seem like fun but are often irresponsible (Family Matters)
• A house in which the interior layout should be impossible given the architecture of the house as seen from the outside.
• A couch situated in the center of the room, allowing other characters to walk behind them (in real life, most couches in a standard living room would be back against the wall).
• Impossibly large and roomy urban apartments.
• No one ever sits with their back to the camera at the dinner table, even though it cramps everyone. If someone walks in, they will pull up a chair and force diners to move aside, rather than sit at the empty end.
• The hip, fiesty grandmother (Family Matters, Who's the Boss?)
• Any story focusing on underage drinking will involve someone going way overboard and a have a bad accident, often while driving home.
• An antagonistic relationship between the father and his mother-in-law (The Flinstones)
• Off-stage characters who are referred to in dialogue as having exaggerated physical features (Maris Crane in Frasier, Al's Mother in Home Improvement)
• Roommates that are complete opposites, such as a slob and a neat person, or a nerd and a womanizer.
• If a character is close to giving birth, such birth will probably occur in an inconvenient place (such as an elevator or the back seat of a car) and the delivery will have to be performed/assisted by the regular character who would be the most uncomfortable with such a scenario. Such births also happen in dramas, typically with similar comedic effect (like Worf delivering Keiko's child on Star Trek: The Next Generation.)
• Once the youngest child outgrows being "cute," a situation will be contrived to introduce a new young cast member.
• Supporting characters never need to knock; they simply walk into the main family's house. They rarely close the door behind them (although the door may miraculously close itself once out of camera-shot).
• A young supporting character will often look to the heads of the main family for support rather than his or her own parents.
• There will be at least one very special episode in which the show tackles drugs, sex, cheating, etc.
• Elementary school plays with Broadway production values, including elaborate costuming.
• When something shocking happens a character will say "I can't believe it". Then another character, usually a less educated one, will say "I know" and preceed to say something that isn't related towards the shock.


But wait, there's more!
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Thursday, September 8, 2011

Public Service Announcement: How the Future will look (Timetable)

Right now, the Euro Zone might be imploding, just the way the American economy is. Glad we can count on Hollywood to discover what's next! Stanley Kubrick missed it with 2001 (Obama shut down the space shuttle program, now we're relying on archaic Soyuz technology for space travel), but darn he nailed it perfect with a Clockwork Orange. To be fair, the following timetable missed what paired with Lady Gaga might be the Rosetta Stone of human involution - Idiocracy:
via

The link to watch it full-size is here.


Time is on my side, anyway. The mineshaft is still closed and full of highly desirable women.
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